Am becoming a bit of news Junkie these days. I wake up really early now that I am in my sixties. So apart from the latest stuff about Ukraine, or Rishi's latest statement. You sometimes come across something which is quite interesting away from the main headlines.
Of late, I have been yearning to be able to settle down in my retirement days by the seaside somewhere in a comfortable bungalow as I am getting a bit fed up of going up and down the stairs these days.
But like other mere mortals, I too have to wait a little while as the wife continues to work two jobs and wont retire this side of 2030. So now I am finding out that I long for peace and quiet when she works those long evening shifts. A bit of "met time", I guess. Look we also have to finish up paying the mortgage on my present house and hopefully secure a real "empty nest", before I can even contemplate my dream house in Cornwall, Devon or the Isle of Wight. Oh Joy!
But, anyway, this article in 'The TIMES', this week, caught my eye and it referred to an appearance of the famous blasphemous cook, Mr Gordon Ramsay. Now he had had a little stint with Vernon Kay, you know that bloke from Bolton who is married to the lovely Tess Daly, some guys have all the luck, no that's Robert Plant. Don't deviate Vince, your dreaming again.
Anyway its Radio 2's Breakfast Show, which big Vern hosts now finding himself confined to this station, probably because he lost out to Jordan North who kept his Radio 1 slot after they contested in IMACGMOOH in 2020; but, "now then, now then", Vernon did come third!
Now then, Mr Kaye has raised a few eyebrows of late. Most recently for making an embarrassing Jimmy Savile blunder. Is it spelt like that, I thought it was two ells so easy to change to "so vile", as if it was predicted. Of course we all know NOW, that sitting on that guys knee on "Jim'll Fix it", was dangerous -to say the least - I still can't believe that I grew up with this stuff.
Anyhoo, there is Vernon stepping in and presenting Comic Relief on Friday night after South Gloucestershire comedian Joel Dommett tested positive for Covid-19, and he is also now filling in for Zoe Ball on her BBC 2 breakfast show.
So I read before his encounter with Ramsay, that "Radio 2 listeners had been left cringing, on the morning of 22nd March 2022 and whilst tuning in for Vernon's stint on Zoe's show after an unfortunate slip up. Vern took some time to read through listener's comments on social media.
Reading out one comment, one Radio 2 listener had left, Vernon said: "Love Mark Almond, awesome voice and so unique. His music has helped me through some dark days" He then said "I saw him at Pride, and I think I was the first one at Hyde Park to run down and wait for him at the front. Amazing." - Now that's not too bad is it?
But, oh dear, then, Vernon embarrassingly made his slip-up and misread the readers comment. He read out: "His duet with Jimmy Savile, uh, Jimmy Somerville, apologies, just blew me away. Absolutely awesome."
Now correct me if I am wrong but thoughts immediately go through your head when something like this is said. You think, what possible duet could Mr Savile have with Marc Almond - you know, he was in Soft Cell, Tainted Love and all that but I suppose he could have done a duet with JS as didnt die unitl 2011 -such songs as perhaps:
Bedsitter · 1981
Smalltown Boy, The Age of Consent · 1984
Something's Gotten Hold of My... · 1988
What Makes a Man a Man · 1993
Why? · 2004
Anyway, you might know more than I do. I am glad to say that Vernon did recover realising his mistake, Vernon added: "Well that's a clip we don't want to ever hear again, apologies. Apologies."
So Vernon could have redeemed himself, in my eyes anyway, when Gordon Ramsay came on and upset the Cornish people. (See this article in today's The Times newspaper ) - you don't have to subscribe btw as you will get the gist from the link view...
So without further ado. My accompanying poem today is about this newspaper event and not the earlier slip-up Vernon made. Because, I lived in Cornwall for over 20 years and know what it feels like to be hated by locals - you get to know a few words like when your called a Grockle and or an Emmet and for those who are not aware what these are:
Both words means that you are an outsider to the local county and just a holiday maker or tourist which the locals really hate - Historically, “Emmet” was Old English meaning “ant,” but has evolved to reflect the dialect known best on the Cornish Peninsula by replacing it with “grockle”. The word “Grockle” originated in Torbay in the 1970s to mean something related to “rippers,” “interlopers” or “tourists of the shallows”.
But, folks strangely enough, I am sticking up for my long time Cornish brethren in this case and wish Vernon had done what I say at the end of this poetic episode. As I want a dream house like this one day.
Poem
The cheek of it all
Anyone heard about the that foul mouthed co*k
Has a six-million-pound mansion overhanging in Rock
Not scared of the neighbours, loves where he lives
During lockdowns and holidays in Kernow, what gives?
Not afraid of ingratiating, himself now and then
In a second home too, in his comfortable den
Till ee’s invited, he’ll be strictly banned
To the locals ,these are “Emmets” who THEY cannot stand
So this “Grockle”, goes on further with such disrespect
Told Vernon, at breakfast, of his hate, quite direct
“Trust me, I absolutely love Cornwall, it’s the Cornish I can’t stand”- WOW
Don’t you know mate, these are ‘minority people’ like the Scots, Welsh and Irish NOW?
You’ve put your foot it in Gee, as you look over the Coast
You won’t catch that sea bass; you’ll have no Michelin to boast
The coastguard won’t save you on your 60-mile rides
Your toxic derision, won’t be taken in strides
The cops caught him once shouting some expletives, over his lockdown resistance
When he was found in Port Issac, against the rules – charged with bad “social distance”
Oh My, oh please, Radio 2, Vernon shouldn’t have let him go on
He should have followed his verbiage, with that Punk - ‘Jilted John’.