You get to an age when things just don’t work for you anymore. The younger reader won’t realise this until they get to that age and it’s the technology changes that make you feel like your mum and dad felt when you laughed at them for not being able to work those new things that came into their lives.
You start to mishear song lyrics too; here are few you might know the right words for:
“The girl with colitis goes by” ( — The Beatles, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds).
“The ants are my friends/ They’re blowin’ in the wind” (— Bob Dylan, Blowin’ in the Wind).
“There’s a bathroom on the right” ( — Creedence Clearwater Revival, Bad Moon Rising).
“Shake a tea towel, tell me what’s wrong” (you know this one- I'm sure really?).
Anyway, your hearing goes, haywire and sometimes you make up songs because you don’t know the entire lyrics, whereas my girls can recite the entire versus of what they hear from their favourite artists. I wonder if they will, keep hearing the correct lyrics, when they get to that “age”, when they laugh at me?
So back to technology, my mum couldn’t get on with mobile phones for example as my wife orders Alexa around the house these days.
I got a mobile (Nokia) for my mum and dad in 2001. It was one of the easiest models you could get where it had a single push button to do things on a call - it was called the NAVI key.
This was when I was working at the All England Lawn Tennis Championships. I was the executive officer in charge of 300 military stewards between 1997 and 2004. So a pretty busy two weeks.
Wimbledon always use military personnel for stewarding duties. Its been a ritual since 1946. It’s hard work though. On their feet all day on the “show courts” . They give up their leave to do it and in my time there, they got paid a daily rate of around £50 a day. It’s probably more today but I doubt it’s a big wage rise.
So there I was parading around the various bazaars, the members enclosure, the courts or my office and then ring ring. “Hello….mum” - nothing but static and then “what do I do now Alf” - click !
A little later, ring ring, “press the NAVI key Sally”, click!
I don’t think I ever got to a conversation!
Now, here is something else. There are smart speakers around my own house. I set them up for lights. (Why don’t we use light switches anymore by the way)?
“What’s that one called again” the wife says to me, often; “L3” I say. Then in a commanding voice out comes…“ALEXA,TURN ON L THREE” .
It is quite comical when she who must be obeyed conflicts with her that always listens and won’t always obey.
I have no joy with my mobile phone these days. Now I really think that, I’m turning into my parents. Listen, I know what a hotspot is but, can never turn on to any use. I can’t use the phone outside of the house for internet and messages often don’t send at all either and only last week, I got a work phone. It is an android, which I don’t use normally and I had to ask my wife who is always on this type of phone, seriously she is always on it - I had to ask "how do I answer a call". How sad is that ?
What is it when you get to that age, are we, or more importantly, am I done for?
Poem
Where does the salt go in the dishwasher love?
Why is the shower all caked up above?
I know how to drive, it’s one of my skills
But I am now of an age where I take lots of pills
Why is the TV not streaming the show?
Where are my glasses, I can’t make it go?
I am of an age now, I have to admit
Some things are good and some are just S**t.
The SKY has crashed again, let’s reboot the box
I think I need a tool to put on my sox?
Alexa what’s the weather, “it’s eighteen degrees”
My elbow is hurting and so are my knees!
You can’t surf the net without granting consent,
This GPDR and inclusion is not heaven sent.
I watched football last week, I thought the TV went wrong
Seeing a bunch of Geordies, beat us six one!
What’s left for us oldies, of no use will I be
Mishearing lyrics, what’s wrong with me?
Just listened to Freddie, the great Rhapsody,
And hear “Saving his life from this warm sausage tea”.
Proper Lyrics for the above - misheard
”The girl with kaleidoscope eyes”
”The answer my friend/Is blowin’ in the wind”
“There’s a bad moon on the rise”
"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong"