I came across this Geordie saying whilst reading a book by Anne Cleeves and it made me think of me Mam. It made me think of being fitter than I probably am today too.
Mam was a Geordie girl and lived in Spennymoor, I told you that we used to go visit Granny and Grandad in County Durham. My Dad married me Mam, in 1943, he went missing in Burma and all sorts of things occurred during their times together.
The saying is that “I am as fit as a lop”. In easy terms, it means, of course that you are fit and healthy.
More than a thousand years ago, a lop was a spider, but then those Vikings (remember, I love these guys?), brought over a word, “hloppa”, which meant “to leap”, and so a lop became a flea.
At sixteen years old, when I joined the Navy , I was “as fit as a lop” leaping athletically about like a flea. Regular physical training, push ups, sit ups, star jumps, climbing ropes. I could do it all.
I also thought that I was a good swimmer but in oversized overalls, jumping of the top board of the diving platform into the pool below, to pick up a brick from the deep end. I struggled and nearly drowned.
The problem was, you have to do this or else you were failed. So, I went to ‘backward swimmers’ classes and eventually overcame my inability to swim. I got cheers from the all of the boys and pats on the back, holding that brick in my hands, I felt "fit as a lop".
I learned how to shoot, to row a boat and to change step on the quick march. I was shouted at by gunnery instructors but got through the six weeks of basic training.
160,000 boys went through the gates of HMS Ganges as boys and marched out as men, from its inception as a Royal Navy Training Establishment in 1905 to its closure in 1976.
The training was tough, brutal at times, yet many of those who came through remember HMS Ganges, at Shotley Gate, with a certain fondness.
Six weeks, previously young boys went to HMS Ganges for 15 months and endured sometimes brutal basic training. In the late seventies, we were lucky to just be shouted at and called horrible names.
We got £10 payment for the whole time we were there and that was that. Passing out with pride though I was a sailor in Her Majesties Royal Navy. I had learned how to look after myself, wash clothes and iron them. Clean the decks and the toilets too.
I moved on from Shotley Gate, Ipswich, in the Spring of 1976. No.1 in the charts was Abba's Fernando and the movie of the month of that year was Charlie's Angels and the Oscar went to Rocky.
However, the people I have had to work with since those times and over the years bring thoughts of what is now called "office politics" and this blog turns to the types you might have encountered or may still meet along the way of life's tasks - as I certainly have met some funny types over the years.
I'll start with a guy that I joined up with, in 1976, he was called Jock, maybe because of where he came from?
I was given the job of mess cleaning by Jock who was not as old as they come, some were in their late twenties and I was sixteen. I specifically had the showers and toilets, which the navy call "heads".
Now I cleaned it beautifully and I noticed a pair of pyjamas in one of the wash basins. So I began to rinse them out and was about to put them into the drying room when Jock came in and went ballistic at me for doing my washing instead of what he had told me to do.
I am afraid this ended badly as Jock and I got into a fight and I hit him and got summoned to the office for a reprimand. I tried to explain, but Jock being the leader of the mess at that time had the ear of the commander and it gave me a black mark. They were not my pyjamas - honestly.
I guess we have all met people like Jock, you just want to shut them up because they are using their power to get noticed and so I would I advise you not to act like Alexander Mitrovic when the things are being handled or else it will be you that gets the "red card".
These 'characters' have their own names of course and there will be a Mike, a Jess, maybe a Rachel or a Kate and even posher names like Miles and Jeremy; but, whoever they are, one needs to realise what they are, really, deep down that is.
Psychopaths
One per cent of the population are psychopaths. They are found everywhere especially in the work place and not only in films like “Silence of the Lambs”. Many manage to sustain careers that are reasonably successful and they fake admiration for you even though they deeply dislike you. However, they will cosy up to you steal your ideas and your money if you are not careful.
They live in permanent fear of being exposed and will do anything to hide the truth. Usually, they are excellent at passing exams but don’t have any original thought, but will listen to everything that goes on and take credit for other people’s ideas.
An example, I remember from my 'navy days' was Adrian, (not his real name). He brilliantly passed the Officer exam and got promoted to Sub-Lieutenant, (Jackspeak, calls them ‘Subbies'). His best friend, (to him), was Jason, who everyone knew as J.J. They joined the same squadron and went on their first deployment together as Subbies on HMS Ark Royal.
J.J. had great ideas, he was well liked by both his subordinates and his peers and was getting attention from his command. Adrian, was just quiet and unassuming.
One day, J.J. was found unconscious, on the floor in his cabin on the ship, which he shared with Adrian. A large gash was evident on his head and a note was clasped in his right hand. When he was discovered, the note read that he was going to kill himself. J.J. awoke tied down in Neil Robertson stretcher, and screamed that the note wasn’t his, it was Adrian’s.
What had happened was, J.J. found the note and there was no sign of Adrian anywhere. Panicking, he ran out of the cabin and hit his head on the exit, of the door, knocking himself out. Meanwhile, Adrian had done what he said he was going to do. He threw himself into the sea.
On hearing this the Captain of the Ship, scrambled the Search and Rescue aircraft and after about thirty minutes found Adrian bobbing up and down. They rescued him, full of jellyfish stings and suffering from hypothermia.
I met Adrian and J.J. again a few years later. J.J had a mundane job at the training school as a lieutenant, one rank above the suicide episode and Adrian had risen to Commander, three ranks above that event.
As a Commander, he was awful and would use his power to put people down. The psycho person in him had used the event and put himself at risk to get himself more attention from what he was not experiencing and in the process led to him being favoured in sympathy over his so called bestie, J.J. I wonder if you have met an Adrian yet ?
Narcissists
These are people who have an inflated ego. They imagine themselves to be cleverer or more attractive or powerful and compelling than they truly are.
They go to great lengths to boost their value in the eyes of others, by ‘me, me, me’ attention. They tend to be rated by others as likeable and are good at performing in social settings. They often organise social events like the 'Christmas do', or an event where they are recognised as being good at something, like archery. So everyone can have a go and so he/she cannot be beaten and they of course come out with everyone saying how good they are.
This exhibitionist type behaviour make them all too obvious to spot in an office - but, they are quick to learn that putting others down by building themselves up, (usually with new bosses), make them popular, and they do things surreptitiously to get attention.
Meet Freda, (not real name again). Freda wore hot pants delivering the post daily, in a large firm. She was in her early twenties and was often spoken to by Alan on her rounds, who secretly fancied her. However , she was often spoken to, by her own boss for her dress sense. Then a job came up in Alan’s department and she got it over more experienced people. I wonder why?
The leader of the team, she was put with, was, though, unimpressed as she rarely could make decisions. But Alan gave her more work to do on a new thing coming into businesses called "diversity and inclusion". Freda took this on and became known for it around the whole firm as she gave talks on the subject and after a lot of investment training too.
Things went on for a while and a new boss was appointed as Alan left to join another firm.
The new boss also nurtured Freda and manipulated her to get rid of the team leader; as she said, in the dismissal case that followed, "we (meaning the whole team), could do the job better without him and he was a bit of a bully." She raised an ethics case to say she was being bullied supported by her new boss and eventually the leader was ousted. She used her narcissistic tendencies to great effect and even got her newly married husband a job working two desks up from herself.
Anyone know a Freda ?
Machiavels
Workplace politics is linked to a human personality trait called Machiavellianism. This means employing cunningness and duplicity in a workplace. It is named after the 15th century Renaissance historian and political theorist, Niccolò Machiavelli.
Exceptionally calculating, Machiavels behave in a cold way and manipulative fashion and pursue their self interest ruthlessly. They are generally nasty.
People can be jealous, defensive, and nasty for many reasons and use a fake loyalty system to get there message across to work their wily ways. It’s more important to understand that these people exist. Let’s take Rashmina, (again not her real name); or as she likes to be called ‘Razz’.
Razz being not so well one day makes it known to her colleagues that she may have Covid; but nobody has seen a photo or evidence, they just accept it and she is at her desk at work.
Her friend Mina (Minsy), tells the cohort in the office that Razz has Covid.
During the coffee break, Razz is seen leaving the area with a coffee by Nina the oldest serving member of the team and so, as Razz leaves with a coffee in her hand, she opens a window. Minsy sees this and questions why the window is now open as it’s chilly and Nina says that it’s policy since the Covid restrictions have been changed to ventilate the area if someone has tested positive with Covid.
Minsy goes back and tells Razz that people, (not just Nina) are talking about her behind her back and shows her Machiavellian loyalty which is rewarded with thanks and so Razz starts crying and gets the attention of her boss.
The boss questions Nina about her actions and she ropes in Ray and Danny to back her up about the policy and they all deny talking about Razz behind her back.
What’s the problem here then ?
Minsy has by her actions created an unhealthy office environment using her Machiavellian tendencies to get loyalty from someone close to her. She has in the process alienated the others who are dismissed as troublemakers and who then feel they have to apologise for their behaviour which has caused Razz such distress.
Machiavelli suggested a method for testing loyalty:
1. Put the person(s) you are testing (Minsy is testing Nina) in a situation in which they must choose between their act of benefiting the team or themselves by suggestion that the testing subject has no loyalty to speak up for their actions.
2. If they choose the latter, (that it was done with malice toward the subject (Razz) then they have failed Minsy’s test. In Machiavellian theory, the disloyalty would be punishment by being dismissed or made good , i.e. to apologise for the supposed disloyalty - because Minsy has manipulated the honest act by essentially what used to be called "S*!tstirring , she has placed a thought in the other's eyes through guilt or which could eventually arise through disciplinary measures. In this case all the people acting in the test must show loyalty to Razz and appologise to Razz and therefore Minsy wins the test.
3. If Nina is not dismissed, her future will be watched, (by Minsy), who will eagerly take advantage over positions in the office structure. Nina could feel unwanted also and simply move on to escape the toxic culture being groomed by Minsy acting through Razz or some other person she wants to get close to.
POEM
Beware my love, its murder for sure.
Beware of Martha, she’s looking for war
Vlad is arriving, his mind’s set on you.
Joseph wants a collective and focuses on Sue.
Freda wears hot pants, Minsy wears Platts
Adrian has nightmares with Jay Jay’s congrats.
All waving their wands, they rise and get thrusted.
None of these people should ever be trusted.
I urge you to learn and to recognise, they are not really your fans
The Psychopath and Narcissists and the Machiavellians.
